Out in our culture we often hear, “Don’t get mad, get even.” Sometimes we hear, “Don’t worry, be happy.” Neither is particularly useful when thinking about children with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Depending on their histories, many RAD kids have had more than their share of parents getting even or something like it. Don’t worry is not a very good idea for us. Let’s face it, RAD kids give us plenty to worry about.
Don’t get mad, get happy is an important guideline. When we get mad, we tend to react to the behavior of RAD children in unhelpful ways when we respond from our mad. Getting happy allows us to take smarter more helpful actions.
A case in point is this morning . Our lovely RADish decided not to get up at the appointed time. In fact she decided to sleep (if that’s what she was doing) for an extra almost two hours. So, I got happy. I had a peaceful morning in the kitchen preparing my breakfast and breakfast and lunch for the kiddo. I told her that it was a good thing that she was staying in bed because that was probably what she needed.
Well, after the almost two hours, she was up cheerfully, certain that I was mad with her. She was quite relieved that I was not angry. She got herself ready and was an hour late for school where she could endure whatever consequence the school would impose (probably something rather innocuous if anything at all).
Did I want her to be late for school? Did I think that was a good idea? Of course not. The alternative, though, was a confrontation. You must get up now!!!! It’s time to get ready for school!!!! Do not defy me!!!! I could have pulled the covers off her. You can imagine all of the wrongheaded things I could have done (and have done at one time or another) which would have resulted in a full scale meltdown. And then she would have been an hour or more late for school and all of us would have been full of tension, anger and ill will. Instead RADish and I both remained calm and peaceful. The day will be a good one.
What do you do when your RADish engages in some action that pushes your mad buttons? Have you tried to get happy? How does mad work for you? How does getting happy work? Please send a long a comment in the box below.
May this be a peaceful week in your home with lots of getting happy.
