In the previous blog post I discussed the five question approach to helping your Challenging Child to process feelings after acting out. Now I want to introduce a very powerful method for the processing of feelings in general.
When processing feelings, never lecture. NEVER. If you lecture, you raise the risk that your child will not share feelings with you. Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Imagine that you are talking about difficult feelings with your parent. Would you appreciate being lectured about your feelings? What might you do the next time big feelings came up?
Your child must know that you can be trusted and that he can come to you and tell you anything and everything. Your child must feel that you will guide her through the processing of feelings and that you will love him no matter what she did, said or felt. Remember, and sometimes this is hard to digest, that all feelings are okay. The issue is what we do with those feelings, which might not be okay.
When processing feelings with your child, allow free expression of all feelings. Allow tears to flow like a river. Allow laughter to ricochet off the walls. Allow the mad to be come out.
Always congratulate your child for verbalizing the angry feelings rather than acting them out. It certainly is better that sweetums tell you, “I want to kill the puppy,” than it is to actually attempt to kill it. Always reward the expression of feelings with smiles and pizzazz. Allowing the expression of feelings freely and without judgment will encourage your child to express those feelings the next time. And the time after that.
Hold your child through the fear, the tears, the rage, and the joy. (Yes, some children will resist being held.) Your child will always remember that you did and how that helped her handle her feelings. Some children who have healed have said that being held while expressing big feelings were the best moments of their youth!
How do you handle your child’s big feelings? How do you handle your own? Please let us know in the comments section below.
If you want more ideas or help with processing feelings with your child please contact me personally by pressing on the button below. I am glad to be at your service.
